For Jagger.

It's a devastating day for our family. We've lost Jagger. I find myself needing to write, as if writing is therapy for this therapist. We've lost a member of our family, and my brother has lost his best companion. Jagger seems like more than a dog today, and I feel the need to honor his place in our lives over the past 4 years. Four years seems way too short, but there's comfort in knowing that dogs live in the moment; and the moments Jagger had with Casey have been wonderful.

People who have dogs (and have lost dogs) will understand the magnitude of what today means. My heart breaks for my brother, who has raised and trained this dog from a puppy. Jagger was Casey's very best friend, especially when life was terrible and confusing. Jagger was the constant. What is hardest is the sudden and tragic loss of this great dog. Jagger was hit by a car last night but managed to walk back to the front steps of Casey's house to pass away. It speaks so much to how dogs, like humans, need to go home and to a safe place in times of pain. It also speaks to the inseparable bond Jagger had with Casey to get to him one last time.

Jagger was a beautiful, stunning German Shepherd. Watching him run and play was a truly gorgeous sight.

He loved his orange ball, and there was hardly a moment when he didn't have it in his mouth. 

Jagger howled at any siren that passed by the house. His inner wolf definitely came out. 

Jaggy did not like the lake. We took him once, and he was not a fan of being in that water. He crawled and climbed up Casey every time we jumped in.

He was gentle enough to play with toddlers, and Bella grew up playing alongside him. 

He was obedient. He loved to please my brother. 

Jagger was extremely intelligent. He was trained easily and quickly. He was the first dog I had ever seen sit in the yard for 30 minutes until Casey said he was free. He was impressive.

Jagger patiently and graciously played with his cousin, Benson, for the past 9 months. A sign of a truly amazing dog is to put up with a puppy literally hanging from your fur with his teeth and never snap or attack. 

Jagger loved my brother. If you have a pet, you know this bond. They wrestled, played, walked, rode, fetched, chilled, trained, and enjoyed life together. The love of a dog is unconditional and free of judgment. Jagger's place in Casey's life has been indescribable and necessary over the past 4 years. 

 

 

When we lost our best friend, Keely, in 2009, the pastor at the funeral asked about animals being in heaven. He proposed that if there was, Keely would be taking care of them. In my last words to Jagger this morning, I said if there's anybody I'd want to take care of him now, it's Keely Ann. He's in capable and gentle hands and is now loved on both heaven and earth.

Our family hurts today. I can count the times I've seen my dad cry on one hand, and today is one of them. We're asking why. We're confused. We're hurt. We're sad. We've got that gut-wrenching pain and sorrow in our hearts of not understanding why this had to happen. We appreciate your prayers and warm thoughts, especially for my brother who lost his dear friend and is experiencing a whirlwind of emotions today.

What a special and meaningful gift you have been the past 4 years. Who knew when you came in as a little, black furball that you would grow into such a loving, beautiful dog. You loved my brother unconditionally and always sought out to please him. You loved my dog and played with him, even when he stole your ball and got on your nerves. You took care of and protected someone very precious to me for over 4 years, and for that, I am truly thankful. More present than anyone else in his life, even friends and family, you were there for him. Our family will miss you and cherish your memory forever, and we will take care of Casey. There will never be a dog who can take your place. We will never forget you. Thank you for these few years, teaching me about patience, obedience, hope, and unconditional love. I am so grateful that God created you and allowed us the time we had together.

Love you, Jagger.

im thankful.

carrie anne

One of my favorite videos: So God Made a Dog

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How to Deal with the Storms of Life

The storms of life hit all of us at times. We encounter loss, heartache, grief, and sadness, and a lot of times we have no idea how to make it through these particularly difficult parts of life. Everyone around us has their suggestions and advice, or even worse, nothing to say at all when we go through a painful situation. But what are we supposed to do when things go from better to worse and then worse to worst? What is the plan when one wave of life knocks us down and another one comes before we can even find out footing again?

Whether it's the loss of a loved one, divorce, a breakup, traumatic event, difficult news or a shocking diagnosis...Here are my thoughts for 4 ways to make it through painful moments in life.

 

1.) Survive

This may seem simple, but I can certainly assure that even surviving can feel like climbing Mount Everest for someone going through a difficult time in life. And what I mean by "survive," is just to simply make it through each day. Eat, drink, sleep, and survive.  When you're drowning in the middle of the ocean and fighting to stay above the waves, you aren't concerned with the form of your strokes or your tan lines. You just have to keep your head above the water. Forget the "fluff" of life: thank you cards, meetings, laundry, miscellaneous appointments, etc. At least temporarily, if it isn't required for you to survive through the day, let it slide.

2.) Stay close to supportive, loving people you can trust

Support of trusted friends and family can make an enormous difference in your grieving process. Being honest with them about what you need and don't need is also very important. If you're the type of person who wants people around and doesn't like to be alone, then vocalize those desires. And conversely, if you're the type who likes to be alone and grieve in solitude, then by all means, let that be known. Sometimes family and friends do their best to show support and love, and their best way of showing it may not be what you need/want. And if you know someone going through a difficult time and don't want to say/do the wrong thing, please read this article. I think it beautifully describes how to be a good friend to those in painful situations:  How Not to Say the Wrong Thing

#125984486 / gettyimages.com

3.) Avoid people who will cause confusion, irritation, or hurt

This may seem like it would be obvious given #2; however, it deserves its own bullet point. In the grieving process, it is all about YOU. You get to decide who you let in and who you don't, and there is nothing wrong with avoiding people who you bring you down during that process.

My family went through a traumatic experience when my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia at 5 years old (To read about my sister's survival and beautiful story, Click Here). My parents had to learn the hard way that some unexpected friends would be there for support, and other friends they counted on to be there wouldn't be. At times, some people were judgmental, mean, and downright nasty to my parents. In the process of caring for their terminally ill daughter, I can see nothing wrong with avoiding the people whose only function was to bring my family down. Basically, if someone's not throwing you a life jacket and helping you to keep from drowning, they aren't necessary to keep close to you.

4.) Cling to the truth

One of the most important things to do in the process of dealing with "waves of life" is to cling to what is true. So often, people in situations with horrible loss and almost constant hurt can become confused, lost, and afraid. One of the best ways to counter these emotions (other than to lean on others who are supportive) is to cling to what is true. Find Scripture that speaks to God's fondness of you to help if you are fighting doubts about who you are as a person. Review facts about what has happened and what may occur in the future in order to focus your mind and help to keep it from spinning out of control. Sometimes it seems impossible to focus your mind during these parts of life; cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself, and if you don't have the support system you need, consider seeing a therapist to help you organize and sort through the overwhelming spot you're in.

One thing that is guaranteed for all of us in life is to encounter difficult moments. For some of us, those moments may last longer and have fewer breaks between now and the next one. Hopefully, these 4 ideas might help you get through a painful situation or help you to be a better support for someone who is. I hope this brings some encouragement for those currently in painful situations... that surviving through it may be the best way you know how, and your best is enough.

im thankful.

carrie anne

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what a wonderful world.

where to begin...

To say that my weekend turned out differently than I had planned might be the biggest understatement ever. My mom and I have planned a vacation on Spring Break for the past few years now. They've been extremely memorable -- driving to Charleston, South Carolina one year and then Houston, Texas another. We planned to do another one of those trips again this year - we originally planned for Kansas City, but we changed to a shorter, closer trip instead. We left for Rogers, Arkansas Friday morning. It was misty and freezing cold, but we made the best of it. We shopped and ate and watched movies and finally had a chance to relax. 

Friday night, we watched a movie called The Impossible. We cried and cried in our hotel room and grieved for this family experiencing such loss and trauma in the midst of a major disaster. We made comments during the movie that sting now. I remember saying, "Oh wow, they're so worried about setting the house alarm, and they have NO idea what's about to happen to them." I also remember thinking, "Wow, I hope that our family never has to experience something like that just to say the things we need to say or do what we should be doing." 

Then Saturday came. 

Even as I type this, it doesn't feel real at all. Over lunch, Mom and I were talking about babies and me being a mom one day and all the little motherhood things that daughters ask their mommas. Leaving the restaurant, I got in the car and Mom told me that my Aunt was being taken to the hospital via ambulance. She had been sick the day before, and we didn't think it was anything too serious. We kept in touch throughout the afternoon, and we got news that she was getting better after getting fluids. Mom and I kept on with our afternoon, and our biggest concern at the moment was getting to a matinee movie on time. 

During the movie, Mom got a call and came back saying that Aunt Elaine needed surgery, and as soon as her blood pressure was up high enough, they'd take her back. Then another call came. Mom came rushing back in the theater, said, "Elaine's coded." I grabbed my stuff and said, "Let's go now." 

Most of that trip home from Springdale comes in pieces... like going under water and coming back up again. I could confidently say that I flew us down 540 where 100mph felt like 7mph. I wanted so desperately for my mom to see her sister again. I remember feeling like I was hearing things I wasn't worthy enough to hear in that car ride... I listened as my mom prayed and begged God for her sister's life, and I was there as she got the news that she had passed away. The rest of our trip down felt like we were driving to another country, and I was helpless as to what to do other than just comfort my mom and get us there quickly and safely. 

There's something about being with family that makes you feel so much better. We knew what was waiting for us when we got to the hospital, but we also knew that our family was there. And there was no stopping that magnetic pull toward them. Once we got to the room, sadness and grief overwhelmed us completely. I hurt the most seeing my family hurting - my relatives who lost a wife, daughter, sister, mother, mimi, aunt, cousin... all of us lost someone so special and unique to each of us. More than craving family, I crave Jesus so much in those moments. In the midst of my grief, all I wanted was to talk to Him and have Him help with my all this pain. I wanted and needed Him. Just Him... and peace comes when I realize that my Aunt Elaine is with Him.

My Aunt Elaine is hard to describe, to be honest. She was incredibly funny and had a great outlook on life. Her life was marked with a lot of pain and suffering, but one thing we've all pointed out is that she never complained. I never heard her say a negative thing about her life or how she wished it was different or better. She truly thought life was wonderful. Where would many would have negative comment, she just chose to see the brighter side of it all.

Memories of Aunt Elaine almost always include laughing. She had the best laugh... that always ended up with her getting choked and coughing and always, always crying. She kept us laughing since we were little kids. I remember the best days coming out of school in the afternoons were when Aunt Elaine was in the car with mom picking us up. Another thing is that Aunt Elaine ALWAYS had a Sonic cup with her... and she'd hold it with her little arm against her chest.

What I remember the absolute most about my Aunt Elaine is that she was my mom's very best friend. As annoying as it was when I was a little kid and wanted all my mom's attention, they'd talk on the phone ALL the time. You'd ask mom (knowing who it was already) who she was talking to, and the response was 99% of the time, "Laine." I hurt so much for my mom knowing just a fraction of how big this loss is to her.

Aunt Elaine also adored her grandkids. The day the twins were born was like heaven on Earth for her. I was young, but I remember it. I can vividly remember her showing almost everyone pictures in her wallet of the twins in those bright colored jumpers with balloons behind them. She was so, so proud to be Mimi. And then when Madison came along, you'd have thought she hung the moon. Those kids were her world almost entirely. 

Not too long ago, I posted a blog to my niece on her 3rd birthday (Read here). In it, I described one of the most special times I've ever shared with my Aunt Elaine - when she saw me in my wedding dress before the ceremony. Words can't do it justice. I earnestly believe the most talented writer in the world can't describe that moment... that just she and I shared in some old bathroom together. The moment stuck with me as I looked at my own niece and realized that Aunt Elaine used to look at me the same way when I was a baby. 

I was blessed with 26 wonderful and beautiful years with her. I'm so thankful that for the past few years, I've been able to genuinely share my love for my Aunt with her. There was no awkward, do I say I love you or not, with her. We openly said that we loved each other, and we said it often. I'm glad that "the impossible" didn't have to happen for me to tell my Aunt how much she meant to me. I'm glad she read my blog about our special moment and knew exactly how I felt and how meaningful that was to me. I'm thankful that I was a little more intentional in my interactions with her given the chance that I might not have another one. I'm also grateful that I got to tell her on Saturday in that room (and will continue to tell her as days go on) how she was the one who taught me about being an Aunt and that I'll never forget how beautifully beaming her face when she saw me on my wedding day and that I promise to try and be as good of an Aunt as she was.

My heart is incredibly broken. Today is not the same as yesterday, and our world has changed in a way we didn't know it could... and didn't know it would so soon. Our family would greatly appreciate prayers and warm thoughts during this time. I especially would appreciate prayers for my Uncle who lost his wife, his daughter and family who lost their Mimi, my Mammaw who just lost her first child, my Uncle who lost his little sister, and my mom who lost her big sister and best friend. It's a grief that feels unimaginable and unreal but so painful. Our family firmly believes that we will see Aunt Elaine in one heavenly and beautiful reunion one day. Our hearts grieve and break and yearn for heaven, our home, until that day comes. 

We miss you so much, Aunt Elaine. I'm still in complete shock that you're not here. I'll miss your laugh and your humor. I'll miss you saying such wonderful things about my husband and how much you love him. I'll miss your Sonic cup and feet not ever touching the floor when you sit down. I'll miss you being part of arguments on what color Papaw's eyes are and stories about how shy you used to be. I'll miss you in hospital rooms to lighten the mood when someone is sick, and I'll miss you pestering my mom and your Fridays with Mammaw. I'll miss you... all of you... and how you always thought that the world was truly wonderful.

I'm so blessed and honored to call you my Aunt, and I'm only writing this blog to honor you since you loved reading what I had to say and supported me always. Thank you for the years we shared, memories we made, and stories I'll never stop telling. You made my life wonderful.

im thankful.

carrie anne

Aunt Elaine's Favorite Song: What a Wonderful World

I see trees of green... red roses, too
I see em bloom.... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue... clouds of white
Bright blessed days... dark sacred nights
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

The colors of a rainbow... so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces... of people going by
I see friends shaking hands... sayin how do you do
They're really sayin... I love you.

I hear babies cry... I watch them grow
They'll learn much more... than I'll never know
And I think to myself... what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself...

What a wonderful world.

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