Sunday, March 23, 2014

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.

How do you measure a year? 

 I woke up this morning after a sleepless night last night with the instant sting of realizing that it's been one year. 

One year without my sweet Aunt Elaine.

My brain can barely comprehend life without her here... and it's been a year today. A year of firsts for our family: the first birthday without her, the first Christmas without hearing her laugh and cackle, the first gathering of the cousins without her in the picture. All these reminders that she's gone. 

But today is painful. Today is a reminder of the day she left us. A year that feels like forever ago and just yesterday all at once. It stings. It hurts. I grieve. 

But I also rejoice

My brother sang this beautiful song at my Aunt's funeral, and it has been my anthem ever since. 

There is hope. 

Though we suffer and grieve here... and though this year has been one of the longest and most painful without my precious Aunt, the time she has spent in Heaven is incomparable. 

It doesn't change the fact that I still miss her. I hate that she never got to step foot in my first home, play with my precious puppy who I know she'd love, be with us at Christmas and family get togethers again, or make me laugh endlessly without knowing how what she said was funny.

She's being held in Heaven. 
And we are being held here. 
God knows us both and comforts us all.

A year without you has been so hard. I miss you endlessly and love you with all my heart. 

im thankful.
carrie anne


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