Friday, January 20, 2012

Day Twenty-Four: Something You've Learned

So I watched Extremely Close & Incredibly Loud with my mom tonight. Needless to say, I was in a puddle throughout the whole film, and I took a long nice drive on the way home to get out an ugly cry before I got home. It was beautiful, painful, and so so meaningful. It spoke many things to me... themes of grief and loss, hurt, meaning, purpose... It fits perfectly for this blog topic today. 

What is something I've learned?

One of my biggest lessons is that we are hurt & healed in relationships. This movie definitely spoke to that. I can definitely relate to it as well. Just when I want to put up walls and 'leave the world behind,' I know that what will help me the most is my relationship with Christ and His community. Isn't it funny how things work?

A few quotes from the film are:

"Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing, isn't it?"
"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

The greater my capacity for joy... the greater my capacity for sorrow. I've learned that I have to let each side growth to fully experience life and share in its beauty. If I protect myself from pain, I lose so many opportunities for immense joy. Joy I want to share with my husband, my family... my kids somebody... and maybe even my grandkids. 

My worries about getting older have mainly been about wrinkles and sagging boobs and bellies... but hardly about "missing it."

 You know... "it." 

Just LIVING LIFE... "It" is experiencing all the wonderful, heartbreaking, up and down, disappointing, amazing, joyful, broken, funny, ironic, and beautiful things life offers... who wants to miss that? 

Sometimes I worry about that now -- that I'm not taking enough chances, that I'm not relying on faith and using sight so to speak, that I'm not trusting in God for my future... 

I want to be an old woman who closes her wrinkled eyes, puts her hands on her sagging belly and lets tears stream down her face because of all the wonderful memories and experiences she had from life. That is something I have learned: joys and losses and everything in between bring such meaning to our lives.

As a matter of fact, I'd like to be a 24 year old who closes her semi-wrinkled eyes and puts her hands on her semi-sagging belly and lets tears stream down my face because of all the wonderful memories and experiences I had from life. 

I can. Oh, I can.

I've learned that my deep pain and loss have directly increased my capacity for great joy. The hurt I have felt in my life has allowed me to feel such amazing and beautiful things. Each creates meaning. Both mean so much to me. I never thought I'd be a 24 year old thanking God for the "bad times" in my life... I've learned that they can be the most telling and meaningful. They make good times sweeter and relationships more meaningful. 

Some lessons people seem to take longer to learn. I know I'm never finished learning... but I count it as great joy that I learned this lesson (and am still learning it) at my age: Thank God for the pain and the joy in life. He is sovereign. When it doesn't make sense to you, it makes perfect sense to Him. He has written each of our stories uniquely and perfectly for us... and ultimately for His glory -- and, as always, God writes the best stories.

im thankful.
carrie anne


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