Friday, September 16, 2011

decisions, decisions, decisions.

to say this week has been an emotional one would be the biggest understatement of the year. i found out i lost one of the sweetest parts of my life, uncle bedell. i got the honor to be at his funeral and graveside service. im thankful for his life, and im even more grateful that his heroic battle with parkinson's disease is finally over. ive never attended a military graveside service: servicemen playing taps, folding the flag, and giving it to my aunt iris was enough to put me over and drown in my own tears. i'll never forget the look the soldier had in his eyes as he handed the flag over to my now-widowed aunt... he said the words, "on behalf of a grateful nation..." i'm tearing up just thinking about it again. it is definitely a memory worth holding onto.

i also took some roses from my uncle bedell's arrangement and placed them on my papaw's grave in the same national cemetery. what a special moment. we all said afterwards that bedell and my papaw were having a party up in heaven together. what a beautiful image.


on top of all that, ryan & i have been contemplating/arguing/discussing a HUGE decision for our lives. we are finally sharing our decision... even though no one really knew we were even in the process of making it!

ryan got a job offer in chicago.
chicago is a solid 11.5 hours away from where we live now.
ive never really considered leaving arkansas.
we had some major decisions to make.
this job offered double ryan's salary now.
the job was also very appealing and fitting for ryan.
we did our best to consider every option:
(cost of living, distance from family, jobs for me, my licenses, future plans, etc)

our road block came on wednesday of this week.

i knew going into my counseling/therapy profession that state licensure would be very tricky. i never really thought much of it since arkansas seems to have the most stringent requirements for licensure in the country... the problem is that transitioning to another state RIGHT after i get licensed is a nightmare in and of itself. different states require different things, and since i won't be "fully" licensed (i will be an "associate" counselor/therapist for at least 2 years)... a lot of states won't reciprocate that associate license, including illinois.

im thankful for the husband i have. so much of this decision, i was focused on myself... what will happen to ME?! ryan seemed to be able to think more about me than him. i have a great man. he was making calls, emailing, and finding all the information we needed to make an informed decision. and the position offered to him was basically a dream job for him at this point in his life. he has told me over and over now... that there is no "my job" or "your job"... reiterating that we are ONE. his actions stood by his words... when he had to make the extremely painful decision to turn down his dream job because it would mean a step backward for me in my career. we believe that this was the best decision for us right now.

so the decision has been made. you'd think i'd be happy or something... no more hard discussions or difficult facts to face -- but it kind of feels like my favorite football team just tied in the national championship, and there's no overtime. it's like the "kissing your sister" kind of feeling. the decision's over, but there's still not much relief quite yet.

things i learned about us as a couple while making our 1st "big decision" as a married couple:
  • we make a great team.
  • i get very realistic, and ryan gets very visionary. we balance fairly well.
  • it's still weird that WE are the ones choosing what we will do with our lives. isn't someone supposed to be telling us this stuff still?!
  • i have a very humble, gracious, and forgiving husband.
  • i have a hard time dealing with change. ryan lives for the seasons & transitions in life.
  • i know this is the first of many decisions we will have to make.
  • we learned a lot about each other and were able to make a decision--together.
  • ((arkansas gained a new beauty and meaning to me)).
  • i have a good-willed, amazing hubby who loves me more than himself.
  • im really excited about being a therapist. i found a greater love of what i do when it looked like i wasn't going to be able to it. im sad it took that for me to realize it.
  • im excited about the rest of my life with ryan keith. life gets more exciting and adventurous when youve got an awesome teammate... especially one who takes care of you. love you, boo.

all that to say... decisions seem to be the "easy" part... the getting-to-the-decision proves to be the most difficult. you might not feel instant relief after you gain an answer, but as in most things i believe in life, it's the process that teaches you the most, shapes you the best, and ultimately shows you God is in control.

im thankful.
carrie anne

1 comment:

  1. You guys have just made it through a very challenging time--and done that quite well! Isn't it amazing to be married to someone that loves you more than they love themselves. Such a rich blessing!!!
    We still miss you!!!